What to Expect in Couples Counselling

 What to Expect in Couples Counselling

Couples counselling (or relationship counselling) can feel daunting. Reaching out to a couples therapist can make it feel like you somehow failed and now professional help is the only hope. In my experience that is rarely true!

Seeing a couples therapist is the opposite of failure. Starting counselling together prioritizes the health of your relationship and creates a space to focus entirely on each other, rather than getting pulled in ten directions by work, domestic tasks, trying to take care of yourselves as individuals, plan the next family event, and so on. When you have kids, it can be even harder to make time for your relationship!

So, what can you expect from couples counselling?

I approach couples counselling using strategies from the well-researched Gottman Method Couples Therapy and from Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. 

That said, I find that it is most important to individualize the counselling to your unique relationship. A one-size-fits-all model doesn’t always connect, so I like to offer different perspectives and strategies that you and your partner can experiment with to find what really works for you.

In sessions, this looks like talking about your relationship history, your individual and together concerns and experiences, creating goals for your relationship, and practicing new ways of working together that create mutual understanding, enhance intimacy, and reduce unhealthy conflict patterns.

This does not include blaming one partner for all the problems in the relationship. Problems exist in all relationships and no one is perfect. The problem is the problem, not you. Making the problem the focus opens up new ways of working together to meet the needs of the relationship. Blaming pits you against your partner. This does not mean zero accountability. In fact, taking accountability can be incredibly healing in a relationship. We are just finding new ways of reaching the same goals. 

Common Goals in Couples Work:

•           Improve Communication
•           Reduce Conflict (shift painful conflict to conflict that supports the relationship)
•           Enhance Emotional & Physical Intimacy
•           Heal from Betrayal/Resentment
•           Create Opportunities for Connection, Friendship, and Fun
•           Change Old Patterns
•           Navigate Transitions (pregnancy, parenthood, moving in together, marriage, etc.)

It's important to find a counsellor you feel safe working with. My goal as a couples counsellor is to ensure both partners feel understood and supported and I invite open dialogue about how the sessions are feeling for everyone. If you are interested in learning more about how couples counselling could support your relationship, I invite you to connect and book a free consultation call.